Have a little faith

He said to them, "How foolish you are and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken!..."  Luke 24: 25
He said to them, "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds?"  Luke 24: 38
He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"  Matthew 8: 26

So here's my current dilemna...I am afraid to have faith.  I don't mean general faith in God or faith in my salvation or faith that the Bible is true.  What I'm struggling with has more to do with the faith that is required to be a full-out disciple of Jesus Christ....the faith that says I'm no longer going to measure myself according to the world's standards but am going to fully live within the Kingdom of God, following Christ.

I find the thought of living completely within kingdom principles scary for many reasons.  Firstly because it's impossible to do without God's help and I don't like feeling weak or inadequate.   Second because it requires faith and faith isn't always logical.  Third because it opens me up to being misunderstood by others and I hate being misunderstood.  Fourth because sometimes the things of God sound delusional.  Fifth because it means actually dying to myself and that is painful and not fun.  Sixth, because it leads into the unknown and I'm not that much of an adventurer....I like to know what to expect.

So why do it?  Why not just continue to straddle both worlds...living according to biblical principles in some ways and worldly principles in others?  The answer for me lies in the hope that there is so much more available to us living on this planet than what I am currently living....the hope that I can see the Lord reach into someone's life and make a positive difference for change, the hope that the Lord can reach into my life and transform those parts that are still lacking, the hope that there is an answer to the pain and darkness in this world that makes a positive, real difference.  The hope that the as yet unnamed passion and yearning in my heart will be satisfied.  Jesus said that he is the way, the truth and the life.  He also said that he came so that we my have life to the full.....I want to know what that fullness is all about.

don't be afraid to hear God's voice

So I'm a part of a group in Hamilton that prays for people and practices what is known as listening prayer or prophecy.  Last night we had the privilege of praying for a young man who is on his was to be a missionary in Asia.  After we were finished praying, he expressed that he was encouraged and that he had been a bit nervous  to come to our group.  He was nervous because he thought that maybe in our listening prayer we would hear things from God about the things that he does wrong, where he feels like he fails. 

I totally understand this sentiment and used to feel it myself.  I found it very intimidating to be with people who heard God's voice and often felt uncomfortable in their presence because I didn't know what God would tell them about me.  I was worried that I would be seen and condemned.  Over the years though, as I've learned to discern His voice, I have found that I couldn't be more wrong.  This is what I want you all to know.  God does not condemn you.

It has been my experience that when I hear from God for other people, the overarching sense that I get is one of love.  God is passionately in love with people.  Really, sometimes the love that He expresses is so extravagant and vast that I am left speechless.  Since love covers a multitude of sins, His love covers us.  He does not focus on what we've done wrong or on where we fail.  Rather, He focuses on who we are at our core, the one whom we've been created to be.  He focuses on the parts of us that are good, that share light in this world, that bring joy.  He focuses on healing those parts of us that have been wounded throughout our lives.  He focuses on telling us the truth about ourselves and our God so that the lies can be eradicated and we can be free.

This is not to say that The Lord never brings our sin to our attention or that it doesn't matter.  Of course He does.  He died so that we could be free of it.  However, even when He is pointing out to us something we have done wrong, it comes by way of love.  It comes with gentleness and the choice and grace to do better. 

The Lord does not shout at us that we are unworthy, that we are unloveable, that we are too screwed up to be loved.  He does not go around telling other people bad things about us.  He does not tell us that we are unseen, that we are unknown, that we are not cared for.   That voice, which I'm sure we've all heard at one point or another, is not God.  That voice is the enemy of God, the one who actively pursues our destruction and takes pleasure in our pain.  That voice lies and lies and lies.  It is NOT the voice of God.  It does NOT accurately represent who God is nor who we are.  

Please don't be afraid to hear the voice of God. He loves you more than you could ever imagine.  The Lord is the Redeemer, not the condemner.

on the role of teaching

But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.  John 14:25-27 (NIV)


Well here I am again.  Still not sure what the purpose or good of this blog is, I'm nevertheless feeling compelled to write again.....

For the past little while I've been questioning what my role or purpose is within the Body of Christ specifically as it pertains to teaching.  I've spoken at a couple of retreats and have been asked to be in a bit of a teaching position in other areas.  While on the one hand these kinds of opportunities are very exciting for me, on the other I find them terrifying.  I find them exciting because I'm excited for people to know God better and to think that I could be helpful in facilitating a deeper intimacy with Him is fantastic.  I find it terrifying when I become acutely aware of the fact that what I don't know vastly outweighs what I do know.  So I'm left in a quandary of wanting to teach in the hopes that I can help people grow closer to God and at the same time not wanting to teach for fear that I'll say the wrong thing or will be found to be inadequate.  I could go on and on about the intricacies of my thoughts on teaching and what a teacher is but I'll spare you the long details and just get to the point.

Totally out of the blue today, I felt like God downloaded something into me that provides an answer to my quandary.  Specifically, I understood that I am foremost and fundamentally a student and that this is where my strength comes from.  I am a student and He is the Teacher.  And of course not only me but all of us who are on this journey of getting to know God. While there are some things that I have learned from the Master that I can teach to others, I only do this within the framework of them also being students of the Master. It's like in a University where I have friends taking the same subjects with the same Prof....sometimes they miss a class and I need to fill them in.  Other times I don't understand the concept that the Prof is trying to get across and so my friend explains it to me in a different way so that I get it.  While some of us may be new students and some of us older, what matters is that we all relate to one another as friends and students with the same Master Teacher.

I'm pretty excited about this because He has provided me with a healthy framework in which to relate to other Christians.  One of my fundamental problems with teaching was that I never felt like I was qualified enough to be called teacher.  However, I do have a longing to let everyone know what I know because God is just so abundantly awesome that I want everyone to experience the exciting life of freedom that He brings.  What I believe He's telling me is that we're really all students anyways.  If He wants to get me to clarify a point for Him with someone because I have the life experience or whatever necessary to help that person see the concept that He is trying to teach, that's great.  He is the initiator and the author of all such teaching encounters anyways.  I don't have to know it all in order to teach what little I do know.....all I'm doing is explaining to a fellow sojourner what I have been taught, knowing that either this same or another sojourner will in turn explain something to me that he or she has been taught.  Symbiosis.  Awesome.

what does Jesus look like

Isaiah 53:2 He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. 

Have you ever wondered what Jesus looks like?  Until recently, I really hadn't.  I always just took for granted that Jesus was a tall good looking man - like the one I had seen depicted on TV or in the movies.  Even though I've known that the Bible says that he was not good looking, that fact never really managed to penetrate my imagination.  Then something happened.

I was outside reading a book last week when out of the blue a picture of Jesus popped into my mind.  I was surpised and a bit shaken by it.  I was surpised not only because it just popped into my mind, but also because this picture of Jesus didn't look anything like how I usually imagined him to look.  He wasn't good looking at all, nor was he tall.  As it says in Scripture, there was nothing in his appearance that was desireable.  I've been pondering the ramifications all week.

One of the first responses that I had was to notice how biased I am towards how people look.  While I don't think that I treat people differently based on looks, it is definitely something that I notice.  In a society where we are constantly told to do everything that we can to look beautiful, what does it mean that Jesus choose to come specifically not looking that way? 

Something else that I noticed is that Jesus not being good looking somehow makes him seem more accessible.  It gets rid of any intimidation factor that I would have in relating to someone who is very beautiful.  On the flip side, it also makes it so much easier to see Jesus in everyday people.   

I don't know about you, but I find it somewhat scandelous to think that the One who has authority and power over all things would come in human form and not make his appearance beautiful.  It reminds me of a verse in Isaiah 55 which says "for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.  On the one hand He is One who has authority to forgive sin, heal disease, and perform miracles.  On the other He is One who is humble, kind, and compassionate.  Outwardly,  unappealing.  Inwardly, stunningly beautiful. 

what is this Love?

Imagine a man who is kind, loving, and compassionate.  A man whose life's work is absorbed with helping the needy.  A man who does his part to make the world a better place. 
  
Now imagine that same man in a most dismal situation.  He's walking upon a darkened street.  His friends have left him only moments ago and now he sees strangers coming his way.  Strangers who have mischief in their eyes.  Their paths meet and the strangers do not treat him with the kindness, compassion and love of which he treats others.  To the contrary, they surround him and start mocking him.  They jostle him.  They laugh.  Then one takes a punch.  Another starts kicking.  And so the man is beaten.   

Now imagine that a police officer comes over to stop the beating.  He handcuffs the strangers and takes them over to the police car.  He then walks over to the beaten man, a heap of a man.  He helps him up, tells him that everything is going to be alright, that he has detained the criminals and they will go away to prison for a long long time.   Now imagine this same man turning his bloody face towards the police officer and with compassion filled eyes saying to please let the criminals go and take him instead.  Let him, the beaten one, go to prison in the place of those that have beaten him.   

Would the police officer allow this?  I can't imagine that he would.  Even if the man could convince the officer that the criminals should not suffer for what they'd done to him, would he then pass the punishment on to the victim?  Doesn't this fly in the face of our notions of fairness, justice, and mercy?    

Yet this is of course basically what Jesus did.   He who had no sin became sin for us so that in him we might become the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21).  Having been beaten, mocked, and nailed to a cross, he cries out to his Father in Heaven "Forgive them for they know not what they do!"

What love is this?  What mercy that would take the punishment for a crime committed against oneself upon oneself?  It's not like it was just some kind of theoretical thing for Jesus.  Real people mocked him, beat him, and nailed him to a cross.  Real people waited in the crowd that day eagerly anticipating his death.  What was his response as he hung there taking the punishment of others upon himself?  He cried out to God for mercy on their behalf.  Incomprehensible Love.

a testimony of healing

I can't believe I almost missed it.

It all started with me sitting down with my kids to talk to them about God.  After asking them a few questions and feeling like they weren't really interested in the conversation, I told them that I'd like to pray for them.  I haven't done something like that in a long time and it was quite awkward.  While I was praying for my 5 year old daughter, Chloe, I felt led to pray for healing.  "Healing?"  I thought, "why would I pray for that?  There's nothing wrong with her!"  I couldn't get away from it though and so did end up praying that Chloe would know of God's healing power.  'Who knows what that was all about' was my basic thought after I had finished praying it. 

Within a couple days of that, Chloe started complaining of a headache.  I gave her some medicine and she went to bed.  The next day, she still had a headache and now her throat really hurt and she had a fever.  Again, I gave her medicine.  That night, I remembered my prayer from a few days before.  Was God letting me in on something when I had felt compelled to pray for healing?  Was I getting the heads up that she was going to be sick?  I figured that God must be up to something and so when I tucked her in I prayed again that she would be healed. 

The next day, she was still sick.  She was laying on one of the chairs in the living room, hot, with a sore throat, and generally miserable.  I looked up from my book and again felt compelled to pray for her healing.  After chatting with her a bit about it, I got up, put my hand on her forehead, and prayed that God would heal her.  Then I sat down, not really expecting anything (one of these days I'll learn to have more faith!)  She, however, looked at me, smiled, and said "when you prayed for my throat to be healed it stopped hurting."  "Really?"  I asked.  "Are you sure?"  "Yep" she says, like it's the most natural thing in the world.  "How about now?"  I asked, "does it hurt now?"  "No"  she said.  "It doesn't hurt at all!"  "Well, praise God!"  I said, still unsure of what exactly was going on.  When her dad came in we told him about it.  "Great!" he says, or something like that, and continues to go on about his day.  After asking her about it one more time and getting the same response, my day resumed its busyness and I pretty much forgot about the whole thing. 

The next day, we went on holidays.  That was over a week ago.  Last night, I realized that Chloe never complained of a sore throat again, didn't get the cough that her siblings got, and her fever never returned. 

So here I sit, writing this testimony of what the Lord has done for my daughter, and I remember that conversation that I originally had with my kids.  The one that seemed to go nowhere.  I was trying to tell them about how God speaks in many different ways and had asked the kids to think of something that they could ask God so that they could experience Him answering them.  Chloe wanted to know 'what God is like'.  I suppose that this was one of His answers to her - He is a healer.   Wow.

Shine your light

Matthew 5:13  You are the salt of the earth.

Today while I was waiting for my van to get an oil change, a story came up on the news.  It was about a father and step-mother being charged in the death of a 10 year old boy.  My understanding is that the boy died 2 days after he was beaten and not taken to hospital.  Being a human being and having an almost 10 year old boy myself, I find this extremely disturbing. 

How does a parent end up beating his child to the point of such severe injuries that the child dies?  What darkness must be in a person's heart for this to happen!  And what about the boy - what kind of life did he have?  Did he know love in the short time that he was upon this earth?  Were there people in his life who were compassionate, kind, generous? 

While I was driving home thinking about this, that verse about Jesus' disciples being the salt of the earth came to my mind.  I understood afresh the fact that we who follow Jesus are called to bring something into this world.  Some people think about this mainly in terms of evangelism - sharing with people specifically about Jesus and trying to get them to make a decision to follow him.  I'm not sure that this encompasses the whole picture.  Jesus stood for things such as love, freedom, justice, compassion, and healing.  If we share these with the world, we are sharing Jesus. 

I find it so heart wrenching that there wasn't enough love, compassion, and encouragement in this 10 year old's family life to save him.  It is not OK that we live in a world where this can and does happen.  To all of you out there, Christian or not,  who have love, encouragement, compassion, even smiles for others - share it!  Share it with those who don't have lives that are regularly filled with such things.  Share it so that people may know that they matter, that there is light at the end of the tunnel, that there is help where they need it.  You never know, you just might help to save a life.